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juliepippert: Gosh, you make it sound so dreamy and romantic.

And yeah, I agree with you — if it’s the right situation, how surprising can it be?

Thanks for stopping by!


I believe if you have reached the point where you want to be married, you have invested a lot of time, love and energy into this and it is fair that the relationship would progress to marriage. You will know this. A happy result is when the other party in the relationship also reaches this frame of mind at the same time.

Sometimes however, one side of the partnership, in many instances, the man, is happy to stay in an uncommitted relationship. In other words you are his For Now woman, not his Forever woman. Trying to talk him round, or giving ultimatums really won’t work. If he is getting his cake and eating it, i.e. you are acting like you’re his wife already in respect to commitment, intimacy etc., why would he bother marrying you?

I had this problem and even tried to talk him round. So it ended, I said “you’re not committed to me after 4 years, so I’m dating other guys, I’m not interested in an openended relationship”. I broke off all contact, as it was dreadful feeling so rejected, and my self esteem had plummeted with each passing month of no proposal and those wonderful avoidance tactics that guys can perfect. Now I’m beginning to wonder how on earth I stayed in that relationship so long. He may have loved me, but he didn’t love me enough.

I believe when two mature people meet, and they both want a life long partner, a natural progression from dating to proposal would be 12 to 18 months. Any more than that and you will have a man dragging his feet, or the relationship not moving forward. If he wants you, you will know, if he loves you enough to marry you, he will ask. I’m sure many men would like to continue the having the cake and eating it status quo, I’m sure I will be knocked for expressing this point of view, but there is a lot of common sense in it and a woman desiring marriage should not blind herself to what is really going on with a non-committing man if he has no intention of marriage.